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After dinner I begin getting ready for work. I planned an hour to soak in the tub. When the first forty-five minutes were up, the soak felt so good I didn't want to sit up. I forced myself up to sit up and wash my hair, such as it was. I soaped my hair and bent over to pour water through it in order to rinse the soap out. I didn't get water everywhere as I had feared that I might.I found that the system worked just fine. Also that I really didn't need the complicated system I had planned. Since the hose had only been eight bucks, I decided to store it for a while. I just wouldn't bother with all that shower curtain nonsense. I could control the water coming out of the plastic cup just fine.I was ready for work well before 8PM, but I had a problem. Someone had blocked my car in. I went to the neighbor and told him I had to work to please move his car. He started to make a protest, then I think he realized the uniform wasn't a security guard. A light seemed to go on behind his. Psychologically the effect is to reduce me to a state of extreme malleability and submission. I find myself surrendering sexually to just about anyone, I do not enjoy sucking cock or being fucked by another man, but it does meet my need for heavy domination and humiliation.In a way, I feel I am receiving my sexual “satisfaction” vicariously through those who are using and abusing me, except that once a guy has emptied his load into my mouth or my rear, or I have licked a woman to climax and then completely cleared her out, I am left lying the limply and pathetically, like a used piece of meat, as weak and frustrated as ever.I can’t explain, how hard it is, during the day, to be assertive in my job, when underneath I am wearing chastity belt, pantyhose and panties, feeling extremely pathetic and submissive, and you just want to drop to you knees abjectly and surrender your self-respec (which in my case is feigned anyhow) and everything else to people you are meant to be dealing with on.
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